The Wonder of Storytelling

By Royal E. Alsup, Ph.D.

The wonder of storytelling opens us to the magic and the miracles of the universe. Stories open up the world for playing, for mystery and for experimenting with the unknown. They allow us to go from magic, to mystery, to wondering, to exploring. With stories we can be creative in putting together different patterns that don't seem to fit logically or linearly except when they are told in a story. Storytelling helps us to live with contradictions and to understand heartaches and evil and how they fit into a world of faith and basic trust. For example, the movie "Schendler's List" allows us to be amazed at a good story while witnessing horror and evil. The theatrical story shows the wonders and the beauty of a human being who will put himself in danger to rescue others. The storytelling testifies that we all belong to one whole garment of destiny. Thus, we are all connected.

Cultural stories help a child to bond and feel attached to her society, community and tribe. Myths, legends, fairy tales and fables are cultural stories that help the child to have a conversation with her community members and with the culture's sacred places. Cultural mythologies express and transmit spiritual and religious beliefs. They are used to teach moral values, to give the people direction and guidance and to implement spiritual rituals. Fables such as Sufi stories, Jewish Hasidic tales, Christian parables and Native American stories, when used in a community drama or ritual, bring the people of those groups into an atmosphere of safety, security and belonging.

Cultural tales of power are magical stories that give the members of these groups an opening to transpersonal, spiritual wisdom. In oral traditions storytelling was the most important vehicle for passing on sacred knowledge and practices. The stories helped the children see and feel the wonder and the mystery in life; the stories often brought out more questions than answers to life's challenges. Children in these societies were taught through stories that it is desirable to leave some questions unanswered, to leave the mystery of life alive. This acceptance of mystery and openness taught them the flexibility to face tragedy.

In the movie, "The Lion King," the king's infant son, Simba, is held up to the sky before all the animals in the land, and is presented as their future king. Later on in Simba's childhood his father, Mufasa, points to the stars in the sky and tells him that each star is one of his ancestor kings, shining down on him, always ready to help him throughout his life. Mufasa tells his son that when the lions die their bodies become part of the grass that is eaten by the antelopes, and thus they are all connected, all animals are part of the united universe.

Family storytelling brings about an intergenerational partnership with the family's ancestors. Some family tales are accurate stories of true events and others are stories that exaggerate true events. Family narratives are tales of power that relate the family mythology and wisdom that has been passed down by family elders--the great grandparents, grandparents, uncles, aunts and parents. These tales of power help the child feel attached to a history and continuity in her existence. Family tales teach the family story in which each child learns their personal position and direction. They learn where they fit into the imaginative picture of their family, its history and its dreams for the future.

Family stories teach the family's rules and morals. In "The Lion King" Mufasa takes his son to pride rock overlooking all the land. He shows his son the boundaries of the land and tells him never to go beyond a certain point, for beyond it lays danger. When Simba, the son, ventures past the boundaries and gets into trouble, the father takes him aside and tells him how disappointed he is. But rather than punish him, Mufasa then begins to wrestle and play with him. With his presence and love, he teaches his son the importance of conversation as opposed to punishment. Because he used love to give his son the teachings, the story was fully impressed upon Simba.

Families that share stories have enriched parent-child relationships and creative family conversation styles. When family stories are shared and used to pass on family morals there is more of a family feeling of caring and comforting. The child's belonging, self-esteem and love needs feel satisfied. The child's basic trust toward others and the world, that is enhanced by storytelling within the family, is seen in the child's self confidence and the child's true feeling that she can influence the world by her choices and actions.

A child's imagination and pretending in weaving her own fantasy stories give her a sense of self-control and influence in her world. Identifying with certain imaginary characters in the fantasy stories lowers anxiety and increases self-awareness. The actions of the characters tell her personal story in such a way that it is non-threatening. This helps her to reveal herself and to be accepted for herself by her parents or other family members. It is also a safe way to express feelings, thoughts and attitudes and to try out new behaviors around family conflicts in an indirect way. The child's stories also help her to test family boundaries and limits without the guilt of lying and fibbing.

In my child psychotherapy practice I usually ask a child to tell me a favorite story. Then I ask them who they like in the story. This leads easily into a mutual storytelling adventure that provides a safe, indirect means of conversation. Mutual storytelling is a process in which both people share in the development of a story. The therapist or parent responds to the child's story with a continuation of the tale. The adult's contribution gently guides the child's awareness of herself and helps her see new ways to change her behavior in a creative direction. It is an indirect way to influence a child without resistance. Mutual storytelling reveals much about what is going on with the child emotionally and mentally, as well as what is going on within the family and with her peers.

Barbara, age nine, lost both of her parents in an automobile accident and was brought in for psychotherapy. She told me a story about a fawn that was in the forest and lost her mother and father. She said, "The fawn was afraid and couldn't find them."

I responded, "Yeah, the fawn feels lost and she can't find her mother and father. She was separated from them by a fire in the forest and now she is trying to find a way to survive and live."

During the next session Barbara started the mutual story session. "The fawn was found by another mother and father deer that had no children. They asked her to come and live with them. The fawn was so happy it started crying and went home with her new parents."

I responded, "The fawn feels good and safe. She feels like she belongs with her new parents. The fawn feels loved and her self-esteem is high. She is happy because she has asked other fawns to play with her in the forest." The characters of the other fawns were symbolic of the friends Barbara was making at school. They also represented the play therapy and myself as we were enjoying in our sessions together.

After several play sessions and mutual storytelling sessions Barbara came into the playroom and started a continuation of our story. "The fawn's new parents loved her so much that they decided to adopt her. Mr. and Mrs. Deer felt like the fawn they found in the forest was now their real child. In fact, she had been with them so long that they had forgotten how they found her. When they met new deer they would say, 'this is our fawn.' So it was like the fawn had always lived with them. The fawn had forgotten her other parents and felt like Mr. and Mrs. Deer were her real parents."

Barbara's story revealed that she was ready to terminate therapy and we could begin the process of saying good-bye in a way that would not leave her feeling abandoned. I responded with my story. "The fawn feels so safe and secure now. The other deer that helped her in deer school and helped her to get used to her home can now say good-bye. They can go and play with deer their own age. Now that fawn is getting older and feels good about her parents and her deer school she can start making her own decisions about what she likes and dislikes. She can begin this week to start saying good-bye to all the deer outside of her family who helped her."

Barbara responded. "The fawn started telling all the deer outside of her family that they don't have to worry about her anymore. The fawn likes her parents and deer school. Now the fawn has friends her own age and they play and play until they are tired and go home."

When we terminated therapy during the next session she was happy. She said the sessions were fun at first, but now they interfered with her playing with her new friends and we both laughed. It was sad to end our work together, like all good-byes, but it was happy because she was ready to live life with her parents and her new friends. The mutual storytelling helped her to bridge the paradox of the terrible tragedy in the death of her parents to finding joy in her life with her new parents. Storytelling can bring a healing to contradictions such as these and can give new meaning to life.

The wonder of storytelling is worldwide. Stories enhance and enrich our spiritual lives, bond us to community, bring more love and caring to our families, and give both parent and child creative ways of working through difficult situations. They also illuminate and imaginatively create joyful situations. Storytelling is so prevalent that it seems that for humanity to survive we need to keep telling the old stories and the traditions, but also to update and create new stories. There is so much human error and apparent lack of caring, love, attachment or commitment to each other in these times. Perhaps the ability of mankind to survive is dependent on our continuing to share stories and to create new ones individually and mutually. Maybe the stories are needed for the survival of the human person.