By Royal E. Alsup, Ph.D.

The famous tale of Jekyll and Hyde is attractive to people in our society. Hyde, who represents the shadow part of the personality, undermines Jekyll and wants to destroy him. Hyde, the shadow, also lurks in the hidden cruelties of common childrearing practices, prowling in the unconscious of Jekyll-the good citizen, parent, teacher, therapist, and minister, all of us. The shadow goes to great lengths to assure that we do not know it exists within us, and seeing our own shadow is difficult without psychological self-examination. The shadow, a term for that part of the personality that is unacceptable, is suppressed from consciousness and is projected onto others. We then detest those qualities in that other person and criticize, reject or punish them for it. The shadow in parenting is made up of the malignant parts of ourselves that we project onto our children.

Transformation of the shadow must be accomplished in order to stop the horrible mistreatment of children that is prevalent in our society. Eight hundred thousand children a year are abducted in this country alone. Three million children a year endure some type of child abuse.

Parenting practices such as spanking, time-out, setting limits and grounding are examples of coercion and legitimatised forms of punishment. Research on punishment has shown that it is not an effective method to improve behavior, and that it generates anger and counter violence in one's family, community or school. Parenting styles that utilize coercion lead to a high rate of juvenile delinquency and truancy. Why do parents continue to use forms of punishment to influence children's behavior? The answer is because it meets the needs of the unacknowledged shadow of the parents.

Professionals who work with individuals and families on parenting issues may also need to work to transform their own shadow. It is important for them to be aware of how their shadow can seep into their work with parents. By going through the difficult process of shadow discovery themselves, professionals can effectively use it in their work with clients. Tribal peoples refer to working on one's own weakness', and with the malignant parts of oneself in preparation for work with others, as the "path of the wounded healer." The wounded healer becomes a gifted and effective healer through working with and healing their own deep wounds from childhood and ongoing adulthood.

Recently the news in Northern California told of two priests and a police officer who were accused of inappropriate activities with children. These revelations indicate that not only is it appropriate to institute safety rules and procedures to protect our children, but it is of paramount importance that people who are assigned the roles and the functions of protecting our children receive training to deal with their own shadows.

Coercion teaches children to innocently accept dangerous situations because they have been raised not to question authority figures, making the child vulnerable to an abductor or to a molester. A report on occult crime published by the Office of Criminal Justice Planning states that children who are susceptible to ritualistic abuse are those "whose parents have not taught or encouraged them to question adult authority." Children are vulnerable to abductors and molesters because authoritarian parenting practices undermine the child's own sense of what is right and what is wrong. Children raised with constraint and dominance are taught that punishment follows if they do not obey adults or older children, even when obeying may bring harm to them. Obedience may be more important to image conscious parents and professionals than the child's emotional life. When punishment or coercion are used it most often has very little to do with the needs of the child. The short-term result is often that, when punished, the child stops publicly misbehaving. The reward to the parent is the relief that their child is now obedient and their image as a "good parent" is saved. The immediate effectiveness of punishment or coercion makes parents and professionals feel competent. It degrades and discourages the child, however, and interferes with the child learning to make good choices.

Older children who perpetrate physical abuse and sexual abuse against younger children have most often themselves been raised with coercion and punishment. It is clear that when older children harm younger children in such violent ways they are scapegoating their own pain on their younger siblings or neighbors. Abuse by older children is a result of the legitimized shadow of our society that says it is okay to hurt people in order to get our way or to make others "fit" into the family or the community. Punishment and coercion are the long arm of conformity.

Transformation of the shadow is made possible when we are aware of our own personal Hyde-the powerful symbol that represents the unacknowledged ugliness in all of us that lives in the unconscious. None of us are exempt from having a Hyde quality hidden somewhere in our personality. Forgetting about Hyde, for the mask making of Jekyll, allows the shadow to be victorious in harming others. The potent promise of a true end to child abuse lies in the inner work of transforming the personal shadow and the collective shadow of communities. The Bible stories of Jacob wrestling with the dark angel and Job wrestling with God are good examples of the internal work of struggling with the shadow, and the blessings that follow. Inner work is hard and demanding, but ignoring this vital source of healing has led to an escalation of child abuse.