Overcoming Loneliness: Spiritual Companionship

By Royal E. Alsup, Ph.D.

The Buddha would say that most people throw themselves into the river of life and float downstream, moved here and there by the current. But the spiritual aspirant must swim upstream, against the current of habit, familiarity, and ease. It is an apt image. We know how the salmon fights its way along, returning at last to its original home. Those who set out to change themselves are salmon swimming against the relentless flow of the selfish life. Truly, we need every bit of support we can get; we need friends, loyal companions on the journey. We have to do the swimming, of course; nobody else can do it for us. But there will be an easier and swifter passage if we can swim with those who encourage us, who set a strong pace and will not stop until they reach their destination. The burdens reshared, easing them; the joys are shared too, multiplying them. -- Eknath Easwaran

Spiritual companionship is part of the eight-point program of Sri Eknath Easwaran. Belonging to spiritual companionship groups teaches spiritual aspirants how to change entrenched conscious and unconscious habits. Spiritual companionship groups may not be identified as spiritual, but they deal with important spiritual issues such as how to be selfless, kind, and compassionate, how to train the senses, how to adjust to life-changing illness and loss, and how to connect in healthy ways with other people. Service organizations or groups that teach people different ways of dealing with chronic health problems and social problems display love and acceptance by a come as you are policy. Spiritual groups offer support for people who find themselves “swimming upstream, against the current of habit, familiarity, and ease.” Community institutions and groups that work to end suffering are spiritually mandated and formulated by the Eternal Joy of the Universe that seeks healing for the creation.

Hospice organizations and groups give people support and companionship to deal with death and dying. This is important because a loss such as death, if not worked through and resolved, can cause severe mental and physical health problems. This group helps by giving comfort to the dying person and providing counseling and emotional support to the family in their grieving process. Hospice workers help alleviate the stress of caring for a loved one and watching them die. This group walks the path of compassion and kindness.

Attitudinal healing groups teach people transformation through the changing of one's attitude. A person may not be able to change the events of life, but psychological and spiritual healing can come from changing the attitude that they have about the events and crises they encounter. We do have the power to change our attitude. Attitudinal healing groups help people to drop fear and to embrace love. Easwaran's eight-point program is similar to attitudinal healing groups in that both extend the gift of simplicity.

Male groups help men to change their attitude from one of domination to partnership. Many men are obviously suffering. It is reflected in the family violence, substance abuse, and child molestation that is so sadly present in our society. Such violence and suffering are unconscionable. Men need to learn that it is OK to reach out for help. The general lack of concern that many men have for their own mental and physical health problems is a deterrent to getting support and relief from suffering. Male groups help a man to move away from adolescent psychology, with its illegitimate, narcissistic self-love, and to connect with a deep masculinity that is characterized by legitimate, healthy love and compassion for themselves and others. Male groups contribute the gifts of insight and knowledge.

Women's shelter organizations help women and their children to deal with physical and sexual abuse. Workers in these organizations are familiar with the path of healing for their sisters who are sometimes addicted to the drama of domestic violence or who are too afraid to change. Women's shelter staff members are like the ancient wounded healers, knowing how to heal other people who suffer from the same wounds they have healed in themselves. They know that traumatized women cannot be healed when their victimhood is seen as their core. Wounded healers join with their clients to give them techniques to move from being caught in unhealthy life dramas, to gaining healthy self-determination, safety, and well-being. These groups embody the qualities of Artemis the warrior, Athena the strong independent woman, and Aphrodite the goddess of transformation—three goddesses who refuse to be under any man's domination. These groups give the gifts of clarity and courage.

Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs offer a way out of the painful cycle of addictions. American society is an addicted society with addictive organizations. We are surrounded by dysfunctional substance abusers, no matter where we work or send our children to school. Americans have developed such absurd, radical individualism and consuming individualism that our society may be paying a karmic debt by suffering from rampant addictions and violence. Twelve-step groups provide daily, even hourly, support for the person trying to heal from their addictions. Sponsors are available to help as wounded healers, knowing the delicate balance in the territory of addiction and abstinence. Twelve-step groups give the gifts of service and love, twenty-four hours a day.

Adult Children of Alcoholics and co-dependency groups teach their members how to deal with core issues that include healthy boundary making, self-assertiveness training, finding one's own voice, fallacies concerning control, depression, and anxiety. People learn they can drop old psychological games and dramas, and learn to sustain authentic loving relationships. These groups bring the gifts of honesty and trust to the people they help.

Mended Heart groups help heart attack and stroke victims. People called to this path of service give support to the families of heart and stroke victims to deal with the stress of chronic physical illness and a restricted lifestyle. They teach their clients to change their dietary habits and to maintain healthy levels of physical activity. Heart and stroke organizations teach family members how to cope with the resisting patient. Lecturers from different disciplines are brought in to give the family strategies to cope with frustration, depression, and anxiety. This group offers the gifts of nutritional wisdom and patience.

Cancer groups that work on inner problems and family issues are efficient in giving cancer patients the psychological tools they need for survival. Centers that serve cancer patients use groups and lectures to teach health-promoting nutrition, stress reduction, and skills to cope with anxiety and depression. Cancer groups are important because the psychology of health research shows that cancer patients need to learn about their conscious and unconscious barriers that interfere with love and connectedness. Such barriers are persistent, and they manage to isolate the person in a deep loneliness of quiet desperation. Cancer groups present the gifts of connection, compassion and generosity.

Spiritual companionship overcomes the loneliness of walking a path toward more awareness and connectedness among individual, world, and God. More often than not, the devotee's path goes against the common societal aims of unbridled consumption, altering consciousness to cope with life's problems, and maintaining ignorance of the suffering of others in the world. The groups described here all provide a place to work with others toward the goals of spiritual companionship, health, compassion, and healing. They bring harmony, joy, and hope by relieving suffering so that families and individuals can walk in beauty.

Reference

Easwaran, E. (1978). Meditation: Commonsense Directions for an Uncommon Life. Petaluma, CA: Nilgiri Press.