The Fears of Children and Adolescents

By Royal E. Alsup, Ph.D.

Fear is one of about a dozen basic human emotions that we all feel at one time or another. Emotions change in their outward expression, and in the internal personal experience they give rise to, throughout human life from birth to old age. The following are stages of development in childhood that are usually universally experienced.

Middle Childhood - Ages 5 to 10

The fears of children in the early school years show gender differences. Girls usually have more separation anxiety about starting school. They feel anxiety about the unknown and about being away from the safety and security of home, family and pets. Boys are commonly more worried about how they are going to match up with the other boys at school. They may have heard about the school bullies from their older brothers or friends and they have fears of being hurt or of having to fight to protect and prove themselves at school.

Children in the elementary school years want to do things right, they want to draw and paint well, and to read and write skillfully. Their deep fear is that they will be teased and humiliated if they do not perform successfully. One little girl told me that at school she was having a difficult time getting her rain boots on before going outside. The other children made fun of her, calling her a "retard" because she was slow to get dressed. To a five-year-old child such an experience is extremely embarrassing and makes them feel disliked by their peers. One such incident can make a young school age child very afraid to go to school at all. In fact, children and adolescents seldom get frightened about the entire school experience, but become apprehensive about certain particular parts of school life, such as having a mean teacher, being ridiculed by other kids, always being chosen last for athletic teams or speaking in front of the class.

Seven year olds learn through observation. If they see other children being criticized by adults it will make them afraid that they might be set apart in a similar embarrassing manner. This age group wants to please adults, which can give rise to self-criticism and self-consciousness about evaluation by teachers and parents. Such fears might block children from handing in their homework because they think it is not perfect. Parents can get a misrepresentation of the quality of their child's schoolwork at this age because these children do not hesitate to show off the A's and are apt to hide any bad grades they receive.

The seven year old has better social skills than in previous years because of the developing capacity for empathy. Being able to see the perspective of the other child makes these children less selfish, but not as empathic as they will be when they are nine years old. The eight year old is very critical of others and more argumentive than either the seven year old or the nine year old. Eight year olds fear being judged and criticized because they so automatically judge others. At eight, children are more demanding of their parents and so they are afraid of rejection. They can also be very fearful that their parents might withdraw their love as a form of punishment. They favor their parents' evaluations and opinions over their teachers', but feel humiliated when criticized by either teacher or parent. The eight year old has more self-confidence with social relationships outside of the family, like boy and girl's clubs. Peers of the same gender are more appreciated at this age.

Early Adolescence - Ages 10 to 14

The intensity and content of fears appear to grow greater from infancy until of the age of ten years, when the level of fear seems to decrease. Children of nine or ten years of age still worry about being socially correct with their peers and conformity is very important to them during these years. Youth in early adolescence like to have many friends who wear the same clothes, listen to the same music, and think alike. The conformity period lasts until about fourteen years of age, when individual preferences begin to become apparent. At thirteen or fourteen adolescents decide which group is their group, such as the skaters, punks, preppies or stoners. These young people fear that they might not live up to the group's norms, such as acting appropriately at a party or dressing right for a sporting event. They learn all the popular musician groups and memorize the words to songs. Fears of embarrassment and of being different are behind the prominent goal of being "cool" during this early adolescent time.

Middle Adolescence - Ages 15-17

The fears that permeate the lives of middle adolescents are social, academic and athletic. The teenager in this stage is liked and respected by their peers for being their own person. Their fears have more to do with self-esteem and self-efficacy. Conflicts with others--parents, friends or peers--that often come forth because of the moral and emotional development that is strong during this period, cause fears of not having influence or of being misunderstood. The awareness of justice issues emerges now. Young people in middle adolescence hate to see someone suffer injustice from teachers, peers or parents, even if they don't like the person. Justice questions and religious and political beliefs become important. Fear and anxiety caused by the desire and the drive to stand up for one's own rights or for the rights of others is real.

Late Adolescence - Ages 18 to 22

Late adolescence is a critical period in the search for personal identity. The pressure of identification begins in the early adolescent period and it is strong in middle adolescence, but in this later adolescent period the young person starts to realize that they cannot take the dependence of adolescence into young adulthood. Career, education and planning for the future are very important considerations. Going to college or university, or joining the military can serve different purposes. They are ways that adolescents can defer the identification issue or they can be ways to begin to establish their identity through education or experience. The very important questions of "What am I going to do with my life?" and "How am I going to work and support myself?" can bring considerable fear.

With some young people this time of identity choice brings with it an almost unbearable anxiety that can injure their self-esteem for life if they are not supported and loved through this period. My friend and mentor, Rollo May, said young people are pressured to make their own choices in a time when things are so uncertain and chaotic--the historical time he called "the age of anxiety." Rollo May also used the metaphor to describe the stage of life when young people feel awesome fear from being isolated and lonely in their quest for identity. In misdirected efforts to solve the behavioral problems that have come about because of fear and anxiety, we have now come to the "age of punishment." It is so important to consider emotional conditions such as fear and anxiety in children and adolescents before rushing to punish, which only makes such problems worse.

Fear is pervasive throughout life. It is a normal part of living and of being human. Being anxious serves the purpose of demanding us to hone our skills in relating to others, of performing to our best capacity and of driving us to excellence and competence. Fear and anxiety are also warnings of danger that we must learn to evaluate as we grow from infancy to adulthood. We have to determine if the danger is real or if it is imagined. Fear can come out of a situation in which we feel inadequate, surprised or unsure. Fears help us to perceive our world more clearly and develops our ability to make changes and to learn new skills to reduce this most uncomfortable of emotions. Fear is a great teacher.